my eden is not on fire, it is burnt.

2011-06-26T01:14:00.006+01:00

subhanallah

2011-05-29T00:03:00.001+01:00

2011-05-23T13:26:00.001+01:00

2011-05-19T20:05:00.001+01:00

FUCKING FALLACIES EVERYWHERE!

2011-05-18T19:22:00.001+01:00

2011-05-11T21:29:00.000+01:00

so i don't really know how to do CDA. yikes! i would need to have a proper meeting with johnny on how to situate linguistic analysis with cda cos that's what i'll be using as my theoretical framework. how do i know what i'm doing is cda?! how do i make sure i fit into a discourse historical framework? whatthefuck? i still don't know what kind of analysis i should be doing to answer my research questions. is looking at stance a good place to start? erghh my brain wants to explode D: D:

keeping track of dissertation progress

2011-05-10T11:18:00.003+01:00

i already have a topic and some workable research questions i think. data collection done, although i haven't taken into account recent developments of the Fortnum & Mason protesters hearings, but it's being postponed anyway so that's good for my research hahah.

i'm supposed to outline some kind of timeline so that i can allocate the workload into stages, but my problem is that i'm not a very linear person when it comes to work and tend to jump into one stage to another. as for the initial stage, i am supposed to do these things:

1) build up references
2) write about why you find the topic interesting / important for research
3)list all methodological decisions, with a reason for each
4)produce a timeline, showing not only what they will writ and when, but also what they will do and when

step one: i'm working on it. step two: done. step three: i'm working on it. step four: ehhhh, yeah maybe instead of resisting, i should attempt it.

i'm currently in the data stage, trying to figure out what kind of analysis i want to do. guiding my research are these three questions:

1) How is the occupation of Fortnum and Mason discursively presented/constructed in “tweets”?
2) With regards to content, what are the things that are communicated?
3) What role does Twitter play for UKUncut with regards to the Fortnum & Mason occupation on the 26th March 2011?

they're definitely answerable i think. i just need to have a solid linguistic analytical framework to present my research as workable. what immediately jumps out of the data as i looked through it is the various stances UKUncut adopt in tweeting, and they seem to jump from one stance to another. so that's a definite start to my linguistic analysis, as I would try to see how this phenomena contributes or plays a role in shaping how the occupation is presented.

for question 3, i have a rather vague idea for an answer, and that is twitter seems to help in bringing the formation of new collective identities. and with the affordances that twitter offers (from a hashtag to a new tweeter account, and then to fb group and their own website for greater publicity) so what i'll be looking is the process of how the occupation starts from descriptions of events into a collective social actor calling themselves Fortnum145.

phew. it's looking good so far! i think i'm on a good headstart.

2011-05-04T20:03:00.003+01:00

i tend to forget how small i really am sometimes, unless people point it out, or when i see my reflection from the windows, i'm pretty sure my heart's bigger than my frame, i guess that's far more important

i wish for a lot of insignificant things, i wish i was taller, i wish i was better looking, i wish i was less skinny, i wish i was smarter, but you know what? fuck you. i don't live my life to cater to your unrealistic expectations. now, if i just tell myself that everyday, i'll be fine. i should be. i'm better than i think i am.

2011-04-29T16:25:00.001+01:00

being normal fucking sucks. why would you wanna confined yourself to some invisible oppressive strings?

2011-04-23T14:00:00.002+01:00

2011-04-17T14:21:00.001+01:00

2011-04-14T23:01:00.001+01:00

some people just have no manners

2011-04-14T21:07:00.005+01:00

i realised just how much i spend my waking hour sitting, listening to music. i have not watch tv in ages, at the same time. listening to music is similar in that sense, similar in terms of enjoyment that "an avid" gets. but i think music is more honest, more interpretive, and it is free of any imposed (or shall i say, ideological?) meaning. you can deconstruct it the way you want.

or i guess that's just more of the appeal that lyrics-free music can provide. words can't translate atmosphere as much as a a good combination of noises do.

2011-04-14T17:20:00.000+01:00

one of the songs in my top 20 list!

2011-04-13T17:14:00.001+01:00

pursuit of happiness

2011-04-12T00:07:00.002+01:00

So there are two music videos for kid cudi's pursuit of happiness. I personally prefer the second one, i like the hazy, dreamy feel to the video.

first video:

second video:

2011-04-08T12:43:00.001+01:00

mmm, massive attack. always fresh, always innovative, always genre-defining.

2011-03-31T22:01:00.001+01:00

oh hai here are some colourful meaningless miscellanea to act as distraction from how vacuous i really am

float on, seventeen years

2011-03-30T17:48:00.000+01:00

2011-03-30T01:54:00.000+01:00

tesseract

ee vee ee

2011-03-29T02:53:00.000+01:00

i don't ever fucking need your approval, thank you very much.

2011-03-19T15:45:00.002Z

lol cognitive dissonance

2011-03-12T16:14:00.003Z

I'm turning 23 soon. And I'm still refusing to acknowledge that my body is ignoring my wishes to grow slightly taller. Who knows? Maybe next week I'll wake up suddenly with fat in all the right places too!

2011-03-11T22:33:00.001Z

i should be working on my CDA essay right now. but fuck it. Critical Discourse Analysis is hard. you would think it's easy because hey, the answer's right there in the text. You just have to find it. But motherfucker, no matter how long I stare at these texts, I can't see it. Not yet, anyway. In the meantime, Bohemian Rhapsody is much more important!

2011-03-08T16:56:00.002Z

happy international women's day.

2011-02-04T22:11:00.002Z

2011-01-25T17:26:00.002Z

Manu Delago

2011-01-22T17:40:00.003Z

antler

2010-12-05T22:41:00.002Z

when we look into the sky, we are staring into the past. The stars we are looking at may not even exist at this point.

My mind is fucking blown.

beef and broccoli

2010-11-27T18:16:00.001Z

what i do does not define who i am. FUCK YOU.

worldtown

2010-11-25T16:45:00.000Z

authorities beware! we're getting organised.

4:47am

2010-10-27T04:40:00.002+01:00

today's favourite quote:

"...are empirical claims descriptions of some real discursive processes, or are they attributions which merely reflect the analyst's theoretical perspective, and which are motivated by a desire to interpret the world in terms of the analysts' theoretical or political orientation?"

-(Wooffitt 2005: 182)
in Conversation Analysis and Discourse Analysis: A Comparative and Critical Introduction.

yes, it's 4.47am D:

2010-10-16T22:36:00.001+01:00

oookay, i have a problem with fucking everything.

gah!

2010-10-14T13:11:00.002+01:00

i'm fucking left-handed and i'm not eating with fucking satan. now leave me alone!

cryptomnesia

2010-10-09T16:29:00.001+01:00

i'm hungry... AGAIN! time for second lunch!

shimmy

2010-08-29T17:49:00.000+01:00

i wonder what you're thinking about.

acceptance.

2010-08-23T17:09:00.001+01:00

i don't know.

2010-08-12T06:36:00.002+01:00

"... i seem to be writing not in order to get closer to what is to be said, but in order to get away from it."

- Michaux, 1974: 31

stoked

2010-08-08T05:28:00.002+01:00

i cannot wait to go to uni again, i think i'm actually more excited now than i was prior to my undergrad enrollment. currently playing with the virtual tour of University of Lancaster and by the looks of it, the university definitely has more to offer than Essex. oh man. so close and yet so far. fingers crossed i get the MA scholarship.

2010-07-15T03:39:00.001+01:00

so much knowledge, so much stuff to read, so little time

2010-06-15T16:22:00.001+01:00

Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities — the political, the religious, the educational authorities — who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing — forming in our minds — their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable open-mindedness, chaotic, confused vulnerability to inform yourself.

Timothy Leary

2010-06-12T16:14:00.002+01:00

fine. let's play your game. don't fucking talk to me.

2010-05-31T13:06:00.004+01:00

Follow the Gaza fleet livestream here:

Watch live streaming video from insaniyardim at livestream.com

Free Gaza

2010-05-30T22:39:00.001+01:00

follow the movement here:

http://www.witnessgaza.com/

http://twitter.com/freegazaorg

2010-05-29T14:18:00.001+01:00

there is no competition. but i still want to win.

2010-05-27T19:55:00.000+01:00

just because you cannot hear the screaming, doesn't mean that there is no suffering.

blind concerto

2010-05-25T16:47:00.004+01:00

i want to:

- make my own bread
-open up a coffee and tea house
-live on a houseboat in kampong ayer
-start a fucking revolution!

i honestly wonder whether i'm doing well for my degree or not. first year was mediocre, as i did not put in a lot of effort into it, the marks didn't count towards the overall degree anyway and i passed it, no big deal. i struggled a bit in my second year, only averaging 65-68 for my essays, which was a slight improvement from first year, but definitely far from satisfactory. i've been doing rather okay for my third year. but am i doing well? i have no clue. i put in so much effort so far this year, but it seemed that my ego is constantly being deflated as soon as it swelled just even the slightest. i don't know my peers well, so i don't have anyone to compare with but myself. but i assume they are all doing a far better job than i am. i don't think i'm very happy with that. i'm clearly not satisfied.

toolbar

2010-05-23T04:16:00.005+01:00

i mde an observation while i was bookmarking a webpage and adding it to the toolbar. i had arranged my toolbar in the order of date added at first,but as the list grows, i arranged them into groups. it seemed that i had subconsciously arranged it in terms of importance.

high priority - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - low priority
faith |school matters and email |news and organisations |food |music |forums |blogs
|webcomics

it's a nice picture so far. i'm not quite sure how useful this information is though.

2010-05-20T16:19:00.006+01:00

thank you, shell!

click here for news:

http://www.rnw.nl/international-justice/article/shareholders-bombard-shell-questions-about-nigeria

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/natural_resources/article5609802.ece

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/apr/28/shell-profits-surge-49-percent

click here for relevant links:

http://www.shellapologises.com/index.html

http://www.protectthehuman.com/campaigns/demanddignity

interlude

2010-05-11T16:43:00.003+01:00

i went to tesco today. i was quite amused by the recent signs that they put up around the electronics section, warning people that they are being watched, in an attempt to scare the shoplifters away. every corner i go, in capital letters on bleached white piece of paper, the cheeky warning stared at me.

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY CCTV

i guess everyone needs a reminder that they are being watched? back in brunei, i remember signs telling me that god is watching every single move that i am making, with similar intention as tesco's. neither tactic works, to say the least. unfortunately, i myself don't have a quick and effective solution to prevent theft.

on a rather different note, i don't recall durex condoms being sold for 8 fucking pounds?! i could be mistaken, i didn't read whether it was for a 12 pack or not, and if i was wrong, well, consider this outburst as irrelevant.

born free.

2010-04-26T16:43:00.001+01:00

http://www.miauk.com/

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

Donate to WikiLeaks

2010-04-05T19:12:00.005+01:00

recently, WikiLeaks has published a footage, which showed US helicopters open fire at Iraqi civilians.

from WikiLeaks Collateral Murder page:

"The video, shot from an Apache helicopter gun-site, clearly shows the unprovoked slaying of a wounded Reuters employee and his rescuers. Two young children involved in the rescue were also seriously wounded."

click here to read Al-Jazeera's report on WikiLeaks' video release

click here for a report by Huffington Post

click here for the BBC article

WikiLeaks is a website that publishes sensitive and confidential documents, while preserving anonymity. it is "non-profit organization funded by human rights campaigners, investigative journalists, technologists and the general public."

the importance of maintaining wikileaks up and running cannot be stressed enough, and it is our collective duty to help this organisation expose the truth of what is happening around the world, and uphold the tiny slice of justice that we have left. wikiLeaks is constantly under attack from governments and corporations that would go to great lengths to keep the public in the dark.

please donate to this worthy cause. even a small contribution can do wonders.

Donate to WikiLeaks

2010-04-05T12:55:00.000+01:00

i'm not a fucking celebrity. get the fuck off my back >: (

inertia

2010-04-01T01:18:00.001+01:00

i don't know where i am.

rope

2010-03-31T01:06:00.000+01:00

a bit troubled. i'm not sleepy yet.

vedeau

2010-03-27T20:03:00.005Z

matinya tuhan kerana kapitalisma. luputnya budaya dan tamadun bukan kerana ketidakpercayaan kepada tuhan, tetapi kita yang mesti dipersalahkan, kerana kapitalisma, matinya pemikiran. matinya kita kerana tidak berfikir. matinya kita kerana kedegilan kita untuk mengenal diri. matinya kita kerana menghambakan diri kepada pemimpin korup. matinya kita kerana nasionalisma. matinya kita kerana buta agama. masing-masing terperangkap didalam ilusi yang dicipta dari pemujaan komoditi dan sikap tamak, dimana kedua-duanya didorong oleh kapitalisma. yang dipersalahkan adalah kita semua, tiada dia, engkau, atau mereka. tiada cahaya dihujung terowong melainkan kita semua bangkit bersama-sama, bersatu untuk memerdekakan diri, untuk membebaskan pemikiran dan minda dari tawanan.

no wasted hearts

2010-03-23T16:32:00.001Z

so, what's the story?

thankful.

2010-03-07T04:08:00.000Z

i am an idiot, but at least i'm trying to learn.

sia sia pun

2010-03-06T05:10:00.003Z

from what i know, sia sia pun is a Malay word that etymologically has a Chinese dialect origin, was it Cantonese? Hokkien? i don't know. i'm not quite sure how to put the saying into English. to put it briefly, it's an expression to convey a craving for a food item that is not available at present. so i want to eat a delicious piece of steak right now, but i can't have it, so i say, sia sia pun!

mmm. steak.

sia sia pun.

so what if this whole universe, everything, is an imagination of another being, a higher being, i guess. and everything will end when the dream is over. and what happens next? or are we all, just a big collective conscious, who is experiencing oneself in so many different ways? is the universe a part of god, or is it completely separated, as a creation, rather than a part of a higher being. am i just an animator, am i the actor, playing a character, or am i a construction of what i make myself to be? where the fuck am i, even, in the bigger scale of things? so in that sense, why do we even bother? what role do i play? am i an observer, but why am i so distant? what good does it do for me to be taking this point of view, watching everything unfolds, like i am not a part of it, has anything even changed? i feel like nothing has changed, civilisations grow and die, it's all a big cycle, what are we fighting for then? what are we looking for? i'm at a crossroad again, i don't know where to go. or is this the point of view that i choose, or is this just a process. i don't know where to place myself. maybe in my dreams, where things feel more real, i'm dreaming when i'm awake, and awake in my dream.

March.

2010-03-02T17:27:00.004Z

winter is over, it seems. blue skies after a week of downpour, i like it. i got one of my autumn essays back and finally got a first for an essay after all these years. phew, what a fucking effort, getting any mark above 70. that's only one essay though, hah. i have more to look forward to, and exams too. oh dear, exams. but it's fine, i don't have to worry about it for now. it has been a good start to a good month. justin's gonna be here in two weeks, i'm looking forward to that. i'll also be turning 22 in two weeks. pretty crazy. how the fuck did that happen?

this is how i look on the first of march, 2010. twenty one years old, the prime time of my youth. i'm looking older more and more each day. i like to think i am getting wiser too, but i still have a long way to go.

mandala

2010-02-27T17:06:00.002Z

oh wow, these completely took my breath away.

taken from http://lobodelmar.blogspot.com/2008/02/graffiti.html

wild child

2010-02-23T15:11:00.000Z

so i guess i should say happy national day, brunei?

just how free are we? we have a long way to go.

behind closed eyelids

2010-02-22T18:49:00.000Z

you are far more beautiful than this. don't destroy yourself.

we set fire in the snow

2010-02-17T21:06:00.005Z

the strange, queasy feeling never leaves me, i feel detached, like i am a few inches away from myself, i am not quite sure what it is. i spend the days in the wake of a dream, of a reverie, of whatever it was that happened on the days before, talking about god, about love, a few familiar faces mouthing silent words to me, under the blinding lights and smoke getting lost in hypnotic electro beats; at the corner of my sight i caught him staring at me, his beautiful face imprinted in my vision even as i closed my eyes, he doesn't even know my name; a few girls in their colourful, alcohol-smeared dresses, i hold her hand and danced with her, her smile seemed jaded in her drunkenness, i am a bit concerned about her, fun girls are so easy to break. i remember i left her there, dancing in someone's arms, they are always better off without me, even in the sea of friends, i feel rather lonely, as i disappeared into the blur of a crowd, only to find myself a few hours later walking back home alone in the cold night everytime, i just want to be alone, i just want to go to sleep to a structureless dream.

reno dakota

2010-02-13T16:18:00.001Z

this is my life. all in this small corner of the room.

hmm.

sharks

2010-02-11T19:45:00.000Z

i now declare that common sense is dead.

viscera

2010-02-06T11:14:00.000Z

“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

- Winston Churchill.

the known universe

2010-02-01T19:11:00.004Z

A short journey from the Himalayas to the end of the universe and back, presented by the American Museum of Natural History. Mind fucking blowing. and you think you know everything.

yawnbrain

2010-01-29T03:33:00.002Z

got a haircut from NY in early January. now i look like a japanese fetish girl. it's the in-thing right now.

blah

2010-01-27T18:02:00.003Z

words in malay that i find hard to translate to english:

kambang
lanji
siok sendiri
perasan

errr help me out here, i'm sure there's plenty

picdump

2010-01-27T01:18:00.020Z

a "brief" collection of the sights and the people i met over the course of a year. i've been everywhere. just one step closer to being wise. it has been a good experience, certainly an eye-opener. and there's more waiting to be exposed somewhere. i'll get to them sometime, insyaallah.

taqwacore

2010-01-20T03:42:00.006Z

for those who are still unaware of this,

http://www.taqwacore.com/

this is a documentary following a movement based on michael muhammad knight's (2003) novel. the book is called the taqwacores, here's some free publicity guys.

get the book, it's a good read. don't get the UK version; it's heavily censored due its rather blasphemous content, and what is the fucking point of getting a censored novel about islam punk, get the US version, yeah you heard me

FUCK! I WAS AT BLUE STOCKINGS. i didn't know the book reading was held there. i was a few years, months, weeks too late.

but anyway, yeah, get the book, who knows, one of these days you might just get a blowjob from a niqab wearing girl in a punk rock show

rouge

2010-01-04T04:38:00.000Z

i think we're great together.

let's stop and talk for a minute.

2009-12-20T19:12:00.004Z

2009-12-07T18:54:00.001Z

i should just go and kill myself.

play fair.

2009-12-04T20:52:00.002Z

shit brix.

mirrortail

2009-12-03T00:01:00.002Z

online journals are so fucking kick ass. no need to go all the way to the fucking library when you can go through them under the comforts of your duvet with loud dub blasting from your speakers in your own room.

i fucking love the internet.

gloomy sunday.

2009-11-22T16:14:00.002Z

i'm gonna go shower and then pray to god and ask him whatever happened to humanity.

medicine magazines.

2009-11-19T16:41:00.000Z

don't worry. it will all be over soon. when you die.

gah.

2009-11-08T15:38:00.002Z

today, my vision was bombarded with awful, meaningless shots taken by heavy and expensive dslrs.

wince.

this is what i did on thursday night.

2009-11-06T19:06:00.012Z

guy fawkes night yesterday. when people in the UK blasts fireworks and burn effigies in remembrance of guido fawkes' failed attempt at blowing up the parliament in 1605. strangely ironic, almost comical. david and i walked to town, and met up zahra at the arts centre. BLK JKS was scheduled to perform. they are a great band from Johannesburg, whose genre is a mix of psychedelic, progressive, rock and dub, with jazzy rhythms, and only 6 pounds entry, wehey.

the arts centre used to be a church.

first act, mother sky.

without any introduction, they grabbed respective instruments and went straight into post rock. a rocky start, but played well towards the end. sounded a bit like mogwai, they're kinda useless without the violin, i think.

next is a one man act by the stage name big in albania. again, without any introduction, he came on stage, wearing an arm band that carried a recycling logo (i see what he did there). he put on a dvd consisting of intentionally assembled footages of war, army men busting moves, to be followed with explosions, clips in slow motion, and just very random and trippy clips, resulting in a surreal performance. accompanying the film was mashed up electronic music, experimental, industrial, very psychedelic, sounded a bit like chaos royale at times, without the japanese dancers unfortunately. the crowd wasn't really thrilled about it by the looks on their faces and the lack of movement, the music was kinda shoking but i enjoyed it.

woo, finally blk jks. they were fucking awesome. there weren't a lot of people, probably less than thirty altogether but man, do these guys delivered. very tight and structured, they know what they were doing.

the set was for 45 minutes, and the crowd demanded an encore. so he came on stage and performed a little bit.

the other guy joined in after a few minutes. sorry i'm bad with names, and i don't know theirs, honestly, but who cares, it's the music that is important.

here's a bit of blk jks playing tselane:

til then.

spaceape

2009-11-04T23:45:00.002Z

it's not even midnight yet. i'm not so much the night owl that i used to be, and the bed and duvet are staring at me provocatively. i guess i'll just have to write this whilst lying down then.

i did say i wasn't going to blog anymore. well here i am, still having a lot to say and yet i haven't quite figure out where to start. i'm trying to get back on the writing track just so i don't lose the ability to talk to myself out loud altogether,

final year isn't really stressful as i thought it would be. i have less classes, i go to uni as infrequent as i possibly can, although the pressure to do well is definitely heavier. it's week 5 and i should start thinking about autumn essay topics to write about. i have an inkling of what i want to discuss, no progress yet however, i still haven't even return a book that i borrowed from the library when i should have returned it today, fuck that, i'm returning it tomorrow and pay the fine.

i could say i'm doing fine. i'm definitely in better shape than i was a few weeks ago, and in a better state of mind, i walked to town today to pick up my trousers that needed slight alterations, had to fucking pay 40 pounds just to have a nice pair of trousers from GAP, i couldn't find a similar pair anywhere, not when every clothing store i pass offer clothes design to make teenagers and young girls look like sluts, i guess a lot of girls like to dress like one? i don't hear anyone else complaining.

2009-10-31T16:48:00.002Z

all these wars, what are we fighting for? heroism? patriotism? just, really, what the fuck? we will never learn.

2009-10-21T16:11:00.001+01:00

"An Arab artist friend of my father believes the sound of a language is derived from the world around where the language is created. He says Arabic sounds like camels as Arabs have always been around camels. German sounds like warriors at war. English sounds to him like the sea."

it's not okay.

2009-10-16T13:27:00.001+01:00

i'm not blogging anymore.

good fucking bye.

2009-09-30T19:47:00.001+01:00

only knowledge can save us. not dogma.

2009-09-20T09:56:00.001+01:00

Eid Mubarak.

21

2009-08-29T13:21:00.004+01:00

now playing: cryptomnesia // el grupo nuevo de omar rodriguez lopez

i hate this modern, civilised definition of living. there is nothing civilised about it. i want to fucking retreat to a deserted shore and spend my days reading, listening to music, and contemplate in peace while the rest can continue chasing for the plastic ambitions you aspire to so much.

word of the day.

2009-08-26T12:15:00.003+01:00

now playing: you and whose army?

today's word is

megalomaniac.

look it up yourself, damnit.

can't hear the sirens.

2009-08-25T14:40:00.004+01:00

now playing: because of the times by kings of leon

there is this small peaceful place, a beautiful place, a place of wealth, everyone's happy and nobody's complaining. the head chief controls every aspect of the tribe's lives, from matters of spirituality to welfare. the head chief controls every aspect of the place, the head chief is the absolute power, he is the law and so he is never wrong. everybody comes to him for decision making, from the simplest, to the most complex. the head chief holds power on production, on the tribe fighters, on what goes on in his territory. his tribe doesn't care how he live his life, or how much power he has, because the head chief is the provider of food and shelter and healthcare and education. the head chief is very happy. he doesn't have to give his complete dedication in prioritising his tribe because everyone is happy and never ask for anything much. everyone is dedicated and everybody loves him. the elders council say there is no budget in every department, which is weird considering the tribe lives in a very wealthy place with so much natural resources. the xenophobic elders hate intelligent discussions and they are the best in evading questions. they are very happy with their positions because they get paid by the head chief a lot of money while all they do is just sit comfortably in their air-conditioned room. the elders love their jobs and would go to lengths in defending their position. their job is easy, just say no to everything. the elders hate the new generation because the youths always ask for a lot of things which they see as ridiculous and unnecessary. even the public library is in an extremely bad state. a lot of youths get their education from other tribes that live far away from this place. when they come back and demand changes and criticise how the tribe is run, the elders condemn and say it's the influence from other tribes, and call it moral decay. those who don't get the chance spend their time on tv which broadcasts all the crap that other tribes throw out, and the youths of this tribe worship this crap and think it is the best thing in the world since instant noodles. kids look up to these so called idols and aspire to be like them. they try to be like them, and imitate the stupid people on tv, they dress, talk and act like these crap on tv. the other tribes laugh at this but they get a lot of money from broadcasting these shit because the people of this tribe love it. the elders see their youths walking around on the street and curse their children and their children's friends.

the tribe, being so happy and content, does not care about anything else. most of them have stop thinking, because thinking would not bring them anywhere. even without thinking, they can still graduate from school and have a secure job within the tribe. the majority spend their day like sheep, eating grass and only move when directed. they are just happy eating grass. "who cares what the herder does, he gives us food, shelter and he takes care of us. we are living in his land, so we should be grateful with it. who cares if he lives in a mansion with gold plated roofs just like his father, and his grandfather, and his great grandfather, and his great great grandfather," they say. "noone should care. it's his money, and he can do whatever he wants. i'm just happy being a well-fed sheep."

footnote: sorry about the sloppy writing. i got impatient.

come ramadhan.

2009-08-22T17:26:00.002+01:00

i thank You for the music, for the love, for the hopes and dreams, for truth and for knowledge

ramadhan kareem.

the saddest song.

2009-08-20T11:19:00.002+01:00

now playing: judy and the dream of horses

I want to live in a perfect socialist world, where corrupt politicians and capitalist corporate companies do not exist, where a single drop of blood breaks the world, stupid wars and extreme famine are myths, a place of bright, kaleidoscopic, breathing panoramic vision, freedom of thought and freedom of expression, in the constant pursuit of knowledge and truth, where meanings exist, and voices matter, not lost in the chase for pointless materialism, a place of tolerance, a place of balance, and be free without baseless hypocritical condemnation, i am just a kid forced to play the role of an adult, so where can I find this home, only in my dreams, only in my dreams, so let me go back to sleep.

perintis.

2009-08-19T18:41:00.004+01:00

temeng jua kau ani sudah ah. inda lagi pandai berbahasa melayu sejak balik dari negara barat ani ah. arahku pun kau kan bawa cakap urang putih. eksen kau, lacis lacis cakap mu ani, lain lagi logatnya tu. apakan identiti mu ani? kan ikut cara bini bini dalam tv yang kau liat atu kah? yang inda berutak atu, iatah atu idolamu? yang arah mtv atu? sadang sadang tah kan bematerialistik ani, nada guna tu. aku nada identiti melayu? ku bawa jua kau cakap melayu, eseh aku dibawanya becakap urang putih, kan dibawanya belawan kelancaran bahasa. malasku ingau. jangan pandang aku cematu, aku lebih tua dari kau. hormat sikit deh, aku banyak jua tulung kau masa kau kan ke UK. yatah jangantah kan menghakimi urang. jangan capat kan pandang sereng arah urang. yatah kitani, kaum melayu, suka banar kan jaga tepi kain urang. nah liat siapa yang lupa daratan ani. urang balik dari luar negeri pulanglah dengan minda yang lebih terbuka, ani apa guna belajar jauh jauh, tapi pemikiran masih jua sampitnya, baju nganya yang lawa, gaya saja labih. fikirlah. dedahkan diri pada idea idea baru. baca buku. belajar. tanya soalan. tanya diri. jangan kan begaya saja. jangan tah kan bagi aku senyum sinis mu yang inda ikhlas atu. bisai lagi senyuman boifrenku yang hensem atu.

prayer.

2009-08-17T18:02:00.001+01:00

now playing: basefree // boards of canada

maybe i should. and i will.

so, what's the punchline?

2009-08-10T20:33:00.004+01:00

you know, when you put it that way, who i am is just an illusion of what i really am.

sasak!

2009-08-09T04:36:00.003+01:00

banci ku arah urang perasan socialites. perasan diri lawa, perasan famous, macam setaie tah plang. hangout ramai ramai kunun, padahal dalam kumpulan atu semua banci masing masing. suka kau bermuka muka? inda kau bureng kah? inda sanakkah? diri atu tua sudah, jangantah perangai pun macam kanak kanak. apa inda tepikir kah? membuang masa saja bekumpul ramai ramai, mengumpat pasal urang, apa tah paedah nya tu.

ARGH!

ngah!

2009-08-07T17:24:00.002+01:00

Mahirah..

tidak suka pada perempuan lanji terkinja kinja perasan lawa.

NGAH!!!

two minutes after midnight.

2009-07-28T17:02:00.003+01:00

now playing: optimistic // radiohead

Calm in collective anger, he spoke poetically, rhythmically, inspired from all the rap and hip hop that he immersed himself in, his passion was on the walls. I looked into his eyes and understood immediately his bitterness, of fighting a losing battle, a wearisome fight, having to explain himself constantly, perpetually misunderstood, the eyes of a fighter. His angry vibe drew me in, making me curious, I watched him finished one cigarette after another, his anger burnt to the last cigarette in the pack, the only thing he had left, the anger that kept him going, dimmed to a dull flame for the night.

melancholia.

2009-07-28T15:47:00.000+01:00

so,

who's in a bunker?

today's rant.

2009-07-17T20:41:00.002+01:00

we need to raise a generation of thinkers, not fucking style advisors.
free yourself, free your mind, free your thought.